Romantic Waves


Let me clarify that when I say passion I do not mean the addictive, giddy 'falling in love' feeling of the initial courtship days. I mean building an authentic relationship where there is space for both to grow and express differences.

The four pillars of marriage as trust, respect, love and intimacy.


Romantic wavesThrough scientific observation and mathematical breakdown, he could predict with more than 90 % accuracy whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The best way to communicate is to carry a richly detailed 'love map' of the partner.

Healing through giving

Here is an exercise for both of you. Close your eyes and think of five things that you would like your partner to do for you. Now write them down and exchange the list. It could read like this: Give me a back massage at bedtime, call me at lunchtime, and wake me up with a kiss (you can get naughtier!). And remember these are gifts, symbolic of your unconditional love and not bartering tools for score keeping. This exercise makes you take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires to your partner and not expect him or her to read your mind.

Do something different

There is nothing like an element of surprise to spice up an unexciting relationship. Some ideas: Put a love note for him in his wallet or whisk her off for a weekend. The focus needs to be on what would give your partner pleasure and not on what you want.


Romantic waves"When we spend time together it gives us a shared sense of well-being and a boost of creative energy."

Do not fret if your partner does not seem very enthusiastic about trying out anything new. Accept that you cannot change him or her. The only person you can change is yourself. Though both of you need to change, one person may acknowledge it and the other might deny it. Be committed to it and the ripples will reach him or her too. I remember one of my therapy clients coming back full of excitement and telling me, "For the first time, he brought me flowers yesterday for no reason at all." The change is infectious.

The best of marriages have their rough patches and need the partners to adapt and evolve. Remember, it is not about finding the right partner but being the right one.