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Overcome the Parental Problems
Going Solo:
Every child has a dream. Of perfect family love,
togetherness rock solid parents, roof over all, happily ever after. Sometimes these dreams come unstuck. Children of single parents can be victims or survivors, depending on how you handle them. The wrong way:
When Bosco lost his wife who was a fun loving music aficionado, he did not let his children party for a year. No music was played at home. The name of the dear departed was never mentioned before the widower lest he break out in anguished tears. He expected the whole family to stay stock-still and pay homage to his dead mate.
The right way:
Jenny’s husband died in a car accident in front of her two older children. She gathered the reins of her household firmly, without the slightest trace of self pity and raised her children alone. She is doing a wonderful job of being both parent and bread winner. After the initial grieving, the children speak lovingly, admiringly and unselfconsciously about their father. They are secure and confident that they were, are and will be loved.
Childcentric Living:
Each couple has to create living arrangements to suit
its own circumstances. Perhaps the children spend the week with one parent, and visit the other on weekends and share vacations. Sometimes two children are split between parents. Both parents must stay faithful to the schedule. At the same time the children should be allowed more flexibility.
Support one another as parents. Keep communication lines open between yourselves and the grandparents to avoid emotional blackmailing from the child. Never grill the child about the other parent's toings-and-froings, or bad mouth the absent one - which makes the child uncomfortable under either roof or resent the grumbler. The best way of keeping the love and respect of a child who has two homes is to keep him out of the crossfire.According to Dr. Spock,
a danger is that sometimes in their teens; children may suddenly turn against the home-providing parent and insist on living with the other.The Absent Father:
When a child has no father he or she is affected, come what may. You as a mother may feel lonely, bitter, angry and your moods can boomerang or your child. The only way is to get on with life, your life. Do not centre all your thoughts, affection on activities around your child. Keep in touch with friends, hobbies, recreation; carry on with your career. A happy welcoming home and a cheerful outgoing mother is what make a child feel safe. Have fun with your children, but share their world, rather than having them share your tastes and interests, which makes for precocity.