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Way to Happiness
Stop thinking about what’s wrong with your life. Focus on what’s right and watch your life change. After years of working with people and soul searching as a therapist I have realized one thing: we waste much of our time on finding out what is wrong with us.
We delve deep into what makes us sad, miserable, angry, and anxious, when actually we need to be focusing on what is right with us! What makes us light up, be happy, alive, and joyful and sparkle?
All I can say is that this pursuit has been most enriching for me both personally and as a therapist. Change your focus and see the difference!
Myth 1 I have to get to the root of my misery to find happiness
The key to happiness is with you
The cynics of the ‘iceberg’ theory would dismiss my focus on happiness as a quick fix. They would like to believe that the problem would still be there in the deep furrows of the unconscious only to resurface again. However, I would like to align myself with a growing international mega trend in psychology and psychotherapy (Family Therapy, Positive Psychology, Humanistic Approaches to name a few) which is clearly indicating that it is much more effective to focus on abilities, strengths, resources as a route to reach a solution rather than deficits, pathologies and problems. It basically stems from the belief that what you focus on grows.
Myth 2 I can only be happy if I get….
Somehow we believe happiness is out there somewhere in the distant future after we have found the ideal life partner, wonderful children, a hefty pay cheque or a perfect body. An elusive dream which is so hard to pin down. However, the simple fact is that it is very much within us. Happiness is a matter of choice. In spite of what the circumstances are we can still choose to be contented and happy.
Myth 3 Seeking pleasure will give me happiness
Happiness does not lie in mindless hedonism, but in mindful challenge. Passive, inert, leisure activities such as watching TV, eating out, buying trendy outfits might give us a lot of pleasure but not necessarily enhance our quality of life. For that, we need more of optimal experiences called as ‘flow’ where we are able to match our skills to a challenge. For example, think of the exhilaration you might have felt while trekking up a tough mountain slope, or making a brilliant presentation, or decorating your home. Flow is a feeling of transcendence when we loose sense of time and get completely absorbed into the activity.
Myth 4 Happiness is about taking care of my needs
A series of studies conducted by Martin Seligman, author of Authentic Happiness (Free Press, 2004) and founder of the Positive Psychology movement found an undeniable correlation between altruism and happiness, determining that those who believe themselves to be happiest are also more altruistic. Close your eyes and remember the last time you opened your heart and were kind to somebody and then feel the gentle warmth of that memory envelop you. It is interesting to see that it is taking systematic research to convince us of this simple fact. A good heart can give us happiness.
Where negative feelings can send us into a tailspin, happiness creates an upward spiral of building resilience, hope, ability to handle adversity and relate genuinely. The mantra is as simple as the wisdom of the ages. Be mindful, kind, meditate, and let yourself flow. Go on, choose happiness!