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How To Handle Your Anger
Staying calm
A large data of epidemiological studies, which clearly indicate that a chronic angry
lifestyle is a major health hazard just as smoking, high blood pressure and cholesterol or obesity and physical inactivity, is.Stanford University researchers Frederic Luskin and Carl Thoresen (2001) carried out landmark forgiveness training for 17 men and women from Northern Ireland, whose families had been murdered in the violence. After just a week, there was a 35% decline in headaches, stomach aches
and other symptoms of stress and a 20% drop in symptoms of depression.An emerging urban, angry lifestyle, which makes people simmer through life, feeling threatened and victimized. I meet a lot of wonderful people who have attended various anger management courses. They have been there, beat the cushions and got the T shirts but after the initial flush they feel as stuck as before. We all know how easy it is to get seduced into thinking that "this time my anger is justified" and get sucked into familiar patterns of rage.
* Listen to your body (blood rushing, clenching teeth, racing heart beat).
* Become Aware of your 'hot thoughts' (How dare he talk to me like that!).
* Defocus from the other person and focus to quiet your thoughts and body through deep breathing and telling yourself: 'I am going to handle this very calmly'.
* Smile at the raging driver, or even send flowers to your inconsiderate neighbors.
* Pause and move yourself out of the tense situation, find a safe place, sing a song, clap your hands, do a jig, anything to take away the excessive charge in you.
* Focus on solving the problem rather than winning the fight. Scoring against somebody might give you an instant high but it would be short-lived.
* Avoid making the conflict personal (How can you talk to me like that?) or moving away from the main issue (Why did you marry me if you think I can't cook well?)
* Apologize to take away the heat from a difficult situation but do not wait for an apology.
* Forgive and let go of the anger that you have been carrying for years. Write a letter of forgiveness to the person concerned and if you are uncomfortable mailing it,
burn it and see your anger dissolve.* Move away from self pity, feeling victimized (He treats me so badly), externalizing blame (It is her fault), entitlement (I deserve more than this crap), and revenge (I will not let him get away with this).
* Expand your world view and rather than putting people in black and white, see them as different hues in a rainbow.
* Meditate, meditate, and meditate. At times we continue being angry because we can get away with it. We can stay in the rut or get out of it. On the one hand there is a life of revenge and anger, on the other that of forgiveness, health and happiness. Isn't the choice obvious?